NEW HAVEN >> By all appearances, Leslie Morgan Steiner has everything. She’s a graduate of Harvard and the Wharton School, and she’s had a successful career as a magazine journalist, book author and marketing executive.
And, she’s a mother who carts her kids around in a minivan.
She’s also a survivor of domestic violence. She was married to a man who beat her so severely she feared he would kill her.
“I come off as someone who’s strong and confident,” Morgan Steiner said. “The stereotype of a domestic violence victim is that they have self-esteem problems, they’re weak, impoverished. “I deliver the message obliquely that this” – domestic violence – “is an everyone problem.”
Morgan Steiner is one of three experts on domestic violence set to speak at a conference called “Beyond the Bruises: A Conference on Psychological Abuse and Stalking” set for Sept. 30 in New Haven.
Also speaking will be Mark Wynn, a former police officer and a consultant and trainer on domestic violence and sexual assault issues, and Hema Khan, an attorney for the Stalking Resource Center.
The Umbrella Center for Domestic Violence Services is holding the conference. The Umbrella Center is a program of BHcare, a nonprofit health service provider based in Branford.
BHcare recently tried, unsuccessfully, to open a domestic violence shelter in Milford. Neighbors near the proposed site exposed the address in public, leading the BHcare executive board to vote to abandon the plans. Most shelter addresses are kept confidential to protect the residents.
BHcare spokesperson Emily Granelli said the seminar is about spreading awareness of domestic violence and stalking.
A grim statistic cited on the flier for the conference reports that 12 people died in 2012 in domestic violence situations, and six have died this year, according to statistics from the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
Morgan Steiner wrote the book “Crazy Love” about her experience being married to a batterer. Her abuse took place more than two decades ago, but it also took her that long before she could talk about it publicly.
“It took about five years before I could talk about (the abuse), and another 10 years before I could write ‘Crazy Love,’” she said.
She began speaking publicly about domestic violence after the book was published. Her story is an example of how it’s possible to survive an abusive relationship, she said.
“The most important thing I can do is get up there and say, ‘It happened to me, I’m not ashamed, and I made it out,’” she said.
Wynn, a former Nashville, Tenn., police officer, said he’ll talk about the entire sphere of violence against women, including domestic violence, sexual assault and human trafficking, and what kind of law enforcement response those crimes bring.
“Often, we focus on just domestic violence, which is a large component, but when you look at all the crimes committed against women, it’s a big, big problem for the community and law enforcement,” he said. “When we show that most of the crimes in the country are committed against women, you refocus your resources.”
He’ll also talk about empathizing with domestic violence victims and how, for a victim, leaving an abuser is an intense process.
“We’re still dealing with this problem of people focusing more on the victim than the offender,” he said. “The question should be, what are we going to do for her when she decides to leave? When you talk to victims, it’s the process of leaving that’s the most difficult.”
Morgan Steiner had the rare opportunity to walk away from her abuser. One night, when they were both students at Wharton, she experienced “the worst one” of his beatings. After, he simply left their apartment. That was the end of their relationship, but he was never punished for his crimes.
For more information about the conference, visit BHcare.org.
Note: BHcare is a behavioral health organization serving the Valley, Greater New Haven, and Shoreline communities.
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